There was bliss…
...and then a soul tearing pain.
What once was a familiar lover’s embrace, laced with a fluttering heart and fear of the unknown as the line in the sand crossed, turned into blistering cold and a searing stab that G’raha couldn’t escape. He couldn’t see, he couldn’t move. All he could feel was the tears stinging his cheeks as he tried to hang onto the fragile thread of life.
…Twisting, knotting, threatening to snap as the tide tried to swallow him…
He had to hang on…for them…
”For us…”
Cradling the image of their beautiful face in his mind, G’raha whimpered and grasped onto every memory and every dream of a future together, eternally together. It was all he had left as the darkness clawed into his flesh and plunged him into depths of suffering.
They said they would make it as painless as possible. They said that it would be a blink of time. But this…this was torture. Yet, there was no turning back now. So, he braved the storm and steadied his quivering breaths despite the ice filling his veins and the ache in his gums. It would be over soon, surely…but a few more moments…but a second longer and all would be well! All would be as it should! Immortality shared and the ultimate unity sworn. It would be worth it.
It...would be worth it...every ounce of pain...
But when the world finally returned and he blinked his eyes to renew his blurry vision, he was alone. And in an unspeakable agony only the heart could feel beyond death, he wailed into the night as the hunger consumed him.
“G’raha… you look terrible,” Rammbroes mumbled as he approached and ripped the book from the miqo’te’s hands. G’raha squeaked in surprise and leapt for the tome, frustration clear on his face and in his tail. And just as Rammbroes feared, that frustration transformed into a far off stare. Dizziness took him him and G’raha slumped over, holding his head with a groan as his knees buckled.
What was Rammbroes going to do with this stubborn fool?
In lightning speed, the roe swept G’raha off his feet to prevent a fall and rested him back on the couch. The miqo’te pouted all the while, knowing full well what this interaction was preceding.
“Rammbroes, please…” G’raha pleaded under his breath as Rammbroes elevated his legs so his feet rested atop the armrest. Same story every couple of weeks. What Rammbroes would do to end it.
Refusing to answer, Rammbroes marched out of the room, not angry but firm with his mind set on the task at hand. There was no use talking or bargaining for the miqo’te would try to weasel his way out despite it being a necessity. It would be presented with no alternative.
Letting out a long exhale, Rammbroes left for the kitchen and knelt as he rummaged through the refrigerator. The remnants of the last deal sat organized on the shelves in bags by age, blood type, and frustratingly they were out of the one type G’raha fussed the least with.
Unfortunately, AB type would have to do.
The water in the kettle was still hot enough from G’raha’s last round of tea and wasting no time fetching a flavor to hopefully mask the iron taste, Rammbroes got to work. As diluted as it had to be, the boy would have to down several mugs to sustain himself, but G’raha could not carry on like this for much longer. His frailness grew by the day and the roe feared one evening he’d awake to a husk.
No more little sips or empty promises to finish the bag later. No more leniency. He would get a feeding’s worth in if it were the last thing he did. Not doing so very well could be.
After blending in the first of many doses to come, Rammbroes hurried back into the study with tea in hand and prepared for a pursuit. G’raha couldn’t get far in this state so it was simply a matter of hide-and-seek. However, to his surprise, the miqo’te had not hidden nor scurried from the room. In fact, he remained weakly lounged where he had been left, ears drooping and ruby eyes filled with defeat.
What remained of Rammbroes’s heart ached.
He hesitated, apologies nearly spilling forth and the need to comfort the lad drawing him to his knees to rest his free hand on G’raha’s. The gesture was greeted with a timid smile.
“Please…just hand me the tea, my friend.”
So, Rammbroes did with a frown and steeled himself for what was to come.
The aroma could only be masked by herbs to an extent, especially for someone with such sharp senses. And bringing the mug to his lips, G’raha eyes widened and a gag made him lurch. Out of reflex, Rammbroes wrapped an arm around the miqo’te’s shoulders and gave him the support to sit upright to try again, steadying the liquid while G’raha fought his own body.
Keeping his voice low and gentle, Rammbroes rallied. “Come now, Raha. The first is always the worst, but you’ve gotten past it before.”
A whine crawled from G’raha’s throat while he covered his mouth, eyes clenched shut. His shoulders tensed as another gag was suppressed and G’raha knitted his eyebrows.
“Must it be this kind?”
“We have no O left. I am sorry.”
A sigh followed and G’raha cracked his eyes open once more to look at the mug, disdain pulling on his lips. His tail thumped and swished while he debated silently with himself. It almost seemed as if he hoped the drink would vanish if he glared at it long enough. Unfortunately for him, Rammbroes was patient and no such powers of their kind would achieve his banishing desire.
Several moments passed and Rammbroes conceded to bring it once more to his friend’s lips in earnest encouragement, when suddenly swift hands ripped it from his grasp. G’raha, clenching the mug, let out a jarring screech like sound, though of panic or a battle cry Rammbroes wasn’t sure, but it startled him nonetheless. Then, G’raha threw his head back and downed several gulps in rapid succession, body trembling all the while and leaving Rammbroes stunned and speechless.
Each swallow twisted his face more and more until blood and tea came sputtering out of his mouth, violent rejection sharpening his pupils and his body beginning to heave. Cursing, the roe tumbled to his feet, knocking over the end table as he fetched the wastebin.
And as quickly as progress was forced, it was lost with a pitiful mewl between vomits and the mug abandoned on the floor.
“G’raha,” Rammbroes began, still awestruck and fumbling through his thoughts, “What in the hells…you…”
A helpless chuckle caught on his words and Rammbroes pinched the bridge of his nose before reaching to rub the heaving miqo’te’s back. He immediately regretted that laugh when the heaves turned into sniffles.
“G’raha… Raha …Compose yourself and I’ll make some more. Perhaps a different tea? We have some-”
“Just let me die, Ramm.”
The words were quiet and the roe almost thought he imagined them until G’raha lifted his head. There was no mistaking the gaze of a broken man nor the guilt of someone who said something they know they shouldn’t. Yet, G’raha did not apologize. He only hung his head and stared into the waste bin as fresh tears and blood dribbled off his chin.
“Nonsense,” Rammbroes rebuked and reached to wipe G’raha’s lips. “You will get beyond this. Your life isn’t worth throwing away...”
Silence, then a sniffle, and finally a half-hearted huff.
“I already have.”
Anger building into a tightening throat and clenched fists, Rammbroes bit back so many words he could have said. Instead, he took the bin and pulled G’raha into his arms, squeezing him tight and holding as the dam gave way for the both of them.
Between stuttering breaths, Rammbroes declared, “You are here for a reason. And I will see to it that you live to find it. Even if you hate me for it for a while.”
“I do not, I swear it,” G’raha replied quickly and his arms wrapped around Rammbroes’s neck which eased the heaviness in his chest more than the lad could ever know. “I just wish…”
Not needing to hear more, Rammbroes returned the embrace and sighed, “I know. What I would give if there were another way. I am doing all I can, but you have to keep trying, Raha. Promise me you’ll try again?”
The request made the miqo’te tremble, but he soon stilled and nodded.
“And promise me,” the roe continued and eased his hug to meet G’raha’s eyes, “You won’t do whatever the seven hells that was again. I appreciate the determination, however…”
G’raha wiped his cheeks. “Twas desperation to get it over with.”
“It was foolish…though I understand. Nothing is gained from rushing. Now, give yourself some time to recover and I’ll see what else we have to mask the taste and smell. Are you alright?”
Another nod and a deep breath quenched any further tears from coming this moment. He’d ask for no more as what still remained to do would take all the willpower G’raha could muster to complete. Rammbroes respected that and secured G’raha back onto the couch with one of his favorite books to bide the time until the next pot of water was ready.
This time, he would steep two teabags for twice as long, taking his own advice to heart. And as he steadied his shaking hands before pouring gentle teaspoons of blood into the cup, Rammbroes prayed to any god that would care for their damned souls to please give G’raha the means to heal.